Last fall when I was eight months pregnant with my second child, I precariously hoisted up my two year old onto the bird’s nest vantage point of a local playground’s jungle gym. While up there, running around with the other kids, he slipped, fell and cut his lip.

With screams abounding, I scurried up the vertical ladder to retrieve him.  He had blood on his face and was crying uncontrollably–I had no other option but to carry him down.

As I struggled enormously with his weight while trying to protect my pregnant belly, I reached the bottom with my own tears–from strain and abdominal pain–pooling in my eyes.  Half winded, I looked around and saw that at least a dozen other people were just standing there staring. Not one person offered to help me, or assist me with my injured son.

Sadly, I left the playground disappointed and hurt that no one came to my aid. Had our society become so unhelpful and uninterested in one another that a pregnant lady and a crying child warranted no assistance?  I drove home wondering if the camaraderie, the lend-a-hand or help-the-other-guy attitude had somehow disappeared from this country. Had we changed from being friendly individuals and  retreated, reverted and withdrawn into our own lives?  It seemed hard to believe that an attitude could exist in this progressive, advanced, first world nation.

Years ago, I lived on a small island, classified as a third world nation.  One day a huge truck dumped a ton of decaying corn cobs into the middle of the dirt street.  A family in that village made their living from converting rotten corn into chicken feed. The entire family, including relatives from other villages, formed an assembly line that began processing the corn. The smallest children used rocks to soften the husks, the ladies shucked the dried kernels, while the older men snapped the cobs into smaller pieces. The younger, stronger men shovelled everything into a one-wheel mixing machine and refilled the bags with the finished goods.

Not speaking a word of their language, I ventured over and sat next to the others my age. For some unknown reason I felt compelled to offer my help and be a part of what they were doing. I worked in the blazing sun until my hands blistered and my back ached, but during it all we laughed and found a way to communicate to get the job done.  When I woke the next day with cramping muscles and swollen hands, my heart overflowed with a feeling of connection and community.

Those impoverished people, who are looked upon by others as having nothing, showed me that, through their dedication and commitment to one another, they actually have everything. They have a system that gives to and supports one another so that all may prosper. They help for the sake of helping and they give to others, with the idea that others will give to them. It is simple and very effective.

Numerous large cities or big communities often have smaller centres or ethnically influenced “villages” where the attitude of helping one another is still going strong. People are more involved with one another and choose to stay connected. It is in these areas where the collective prospers and the group benefits. There people feel a sense of belonging and a responsibility to one another, proving that the concept of “village living” really does apply.

Where is your village? Where do you find yourself giving more of yourself and asking nothing in return? When do you act when you are not expected to, and how often do you offer something for nothing? What would you do if you saw a pregnant lady and a crying child, and if it were you, how would you want those around you to respond in your moment of need?

We all create our world and the world we live in, so why not make it a better place by reaching out to others and giving something of yourself?  It costs you nothing, but gains you a lot. The more we build our villages, the stronger we grow, and that benefits us all as a people and a nation.

The sense of village can benefit your children as they grow to experience the idea of camaraderie and belonging.  Watching you be connected to something and giving a part of yourself to your neighbourhood and community will instill in them these important values. Since children learn by example, your actions will guide them towards supporting their own little village. Be it in their playgroup, with friends at school or just at the playground, reaching out, connecting and helping others provide a base for friendship- building and a sense of belonging within our society.

Take advantage of you local and neighbour areas where culture and ethnic traditions are followed. Make a day of it by visiting the stores, eating the unique food or attending local festivals. Instill in your children the appreciation for the distinctiveness and exceptionality of every culture and then shown them the joy that comes form helping and supporting others. Take advantage of charity events that raise money for important causes as a tool to show our kids that giving and sharing is a great gift.

Standing on my soap box,

JB

Many families are interested in teaching their children the value of giving, but they don’t always know the best way to do it. According to Susan Crites Price, author of The Giving Family: Raising Our Children to Help Others (Council on Foundations, 2001), it’s important to start young.

“Habit gets instilled at an early age, and young kids can do a lot,” Price said. Preschoolers, for example, can go with the family to volunteer at a soup kitchen, or help pick up litter around the neighborhood. “That doesn’t mean that for teenagers it’s too late, but the earlier they start giving, the more it becomes a habit.”

In her interviews with parents and experts nationwide, Price found that there are several keys to raising charitable children. Here are what she recommends:

• Make giving the rule, rather than the exception. “We make kids brush their teeth because it’s good for them. We also need to make them give and serve — because that’s good for them too.” If you find the right projects, Price says, they won’t complain.
• Show and tell. “While kids may see us volunteering and writing checks, we should also tell them why we are doing it.” This will help them make those decisions for themselves when they get older.
• Let them lead. “If we let children decide for themselves how to give their time or their money, they are more likely to enjoy it.” It’s good to give them ideas, of course, but better to let them choose. For example, if your children love animals, take them to a local animal shelter to volunteer, or deliver a batch of dog biscuits.
• Find volunteer projects. There are plenty of places to volunteer — schools, community groups, religious organizations, clubs, and more. (For ideas, go online to VolunteerMatch or your local chapter of United Way.) But you don’t need to rely on outside groups for volunteer opportunities. “Kids can create their own volunteer experience — shoveling snow or baking cookies for an elderly neighbor, for example,” Price says. “Look to your own community first.”
• Tie it to something they can see. It makes a better impression when you show kids what they’re giving to, and why. According to Shah, “It’s hard for kids to imagine that other people aren’t as fortunate as they are. Taking them to a nursing home (or another place where they can see people in need) lets them understand why it’s important to help.”
• Consider ways to give more. While no donation is too small, some parents will match what their child wants to give, sending the charity a more meaningful amount. According to Price, one parent even paid her child for his volunteer hours, giving him the opportunity to then donate the money to the same charity.
• Take the time to do it. Kids and parents are busy people. There are soccer and t-ball practice, music lessons, school, and work — and, of course, getting dinner on the table. “Be intentional about the family giving,” Price recommends. “Make time for it. Make it a priority.”

If you want the idea of giving to stick with your kids, don’t just take time to do it — do it often. Giving, after all, is more than a one-time event. “It’s really something that has to be a regular part of your life,” Shah said. “If they see you do it and hear you talk about it often, they will want to do it too.”

On a typical afternoon I often find myself pushing my son in his stroller as we buy our groceries, go to the bank, pick up our dry-cleaning and shop at the local stores on our busy street.  Sitting in his front row seat, meandering through the crowd, my three year old happily says “hello”, “hi” and occasionally “nice dog” to the many people passing by. Sadly, I have to report that few will reply, or say hello back or acknowledge his attempt at being friendly.

Just last week, as we walked into an elevator, my son joyfully said hello to the two adults already riding and neither one answered him back. He said it again then looked at me, confused, as they got off on the next floor without answering back.

On a trip to the doctor’s office, we had to see the temporary physician on call. She walked into the room, robotically introduced herself and buried her face in his chart. Using the proper etiquette, I introduced my son, and then told him her name again, just so he felt safe and comfortable with a new person. Precociously and like any three year old, he ask how old are you?  Her reply, straight-faced and without an ounce of friendliness, was, “None of your business.”

It took a lot of willpower for me not to remark on her rudeness and obviously bizarre insecurities in front of a curious toddler. As a doctor, a professional someone trained to have compassion, her cold personality and mechanical social skills left me having to explain to my son why people don’t always want to say how old they are.

”I’m fourteen,” he falsely boasts to her, making his own attempt at soothing what he interpreted as her shyness. I don’t think she actually looked him straight in the eye the entire examination, and did nothing to reciprocate his gesture of friendliness.

Teaching your child values is a fundamental part of their entry and existence into society. Friendliness, compassion, empathy, and awareness of others rank as the key components to social behavior and social acceptance. Constantly we are teaching and reinforcing the proper behavior to our kids in all situations from the moment they move from babies to toddlers.  “Say please, ask nicely, be sure to share, look at a person when you speak to them.”  It is an absolute must for most families to instill these behaviors, and yet the adults in this busy world are not setting the example or being what they expect the children to be.

How do you explain to a child that an adult is ignoring them? What words do you use to say that for no real reason a person just doesn`t feel like being nice? It breaks my heart when I see the rejection in his eyes or the disappointment he feels when his bright hello doesn’t elicit a bright hello in return. Of course not all strangers shun his openness; a few do respond and actually take the time to speak with his darling and curious little nature. Unfortunately the ones who don’t answer stick in his mind, and he asks me why is that person mad, or why won`t they say hello?

For a person who has a lot to say, I find few words to explain this phenomenon of aloofness and coldness towards children. They are the future of this world and our continued existence lies in their views and opinions as a whole. Do we not want a society of compassionate, caring, and friendly people? Aren`t we striving for a global community with kind-hearted and empathic individuals? How influential can I be teaching something in my home that isn’t reflected out there in the world? At what point will my son stop trying to engage and realize that their behavior is unkind and full of rejection?

I refuse to join the dogma of every man for themself, nor allow the excuse of a hectic life to justify unsociable behavior. I want my son to maintain his innate, affable spirit and use this forum to encourage others to instill that same kind of compassion and consideration for others. We as mothers have the power to create the leaders and visionaries of the future. It is our influence that will direct and mold the minds of the next generation.  Let it be with friendliness, compassion, empathy, and awareness of others.

Here are some tips on how parents can demonstrate friendliness towards others.
1)    Hold the door open.
2)    When you can, allow other to go first or in front of you.
3)    Be kind and thankful to those who offer you service. Examples include waitresses, gas attendants and cleaning crews.
4)    Smile as you walk down the street.
5)    Call friends and relatives just to say hello and ask how they are doing.
6)    Respond whole heartedly when kind strangers speak to you.
7)    STOP yourself from making judgmental comments, even in jest.
8)    Say hello, thank you and have a nice day whenever you can.

Here are some tips on how you can teach your kids friendliness to others.
1)    Make them look people in the eyes when speaking to them.
2)    Ask them to shake hands when meeting new adults.
3)    Teach them to let others go ahead or in front of them, reassuring them that they will not miss out.
4)    Encourage them to say hello, thank you and have a nice day.
5)    Have them support and encourage others at events or on special occasions.
6)    Get them involved in paying for small items, packing light groceries, or checking out their books from the library. These interaction and doses of responsibility will teach them social etiquette and proper interactive behavior
7)    Showing kindness to pets and other animals.
8)    Be thankful to anyone who helps them throughout their day such as nannies, care providers and bus drivers.

Ultimately children learn by example, so what we as adults do will be a reflection of what they see as acceptable. Our opinions towards others and our level of friendless will be a big influence on how they form their own judgments. I know that every culture and individual have specific beliefs and viewpoints in life, but I also believe that the gifts of kindness and friendliness are universal.

Standing on my soapbox,

JB

This year, five of my girlfriends had their first child. I was also pregnant, but with my second. As their bellies grew, they stopped looking at me with a bored stare.  Instead, the first time moms gushed and cooed about my growing baby.  Now each of them were interested and enthusiastic about the arrival of their own child and could not stop talking about everything baby.

As each of them went on at length about the anticipation and excitement of growing a new life, they often asked me: “What’s it like to be a mother?”

It is a difficult question to answer, being a young mom myself, but when I finally found the words I replied, ’It is the hardest hard you will ever know along with the greatest love you will ever feel.”

A lump in my throat forms from just saying it. Never in my youth did I even think I would have kids, and of course the career girl couldn’t stand kids, the yuppie didn’t even think she wanted kids, yet now the mother of two wouldn’t know what to do if she didn’t have those kids.

You can never explain the transformation that occurs once a child arrives. Each and every one of us have gone nights—months!—without sleeping, changed more poo, seen more puke, spit up and every other body fluid than humanly possible.  We’ve walked a crying baby for hours, slept sitting up or on the floor beside a crib, drove aimlessly to induce sleep or done whatever ridiculous amusement required keeping a baby happy.

The hard is harder than you can explain. The demands, the unknown, the endless consoling, feeding, burping, diaper changing and, just when they are content for a moment, it starts all over again. There is no instruction booklet or guaranteed solutions to colic, acid reflux, night terrors or striders. The diaper rash, cradle cap, fevers, crying, teething, constipation, crying, running nose, heat rash, croup, diarrhea, and did I mention crying? It takes its toll on any human being.

When you are on the verge of tears or too tired to sleep, you never imagined it was going to be this hard.

Yet somehow, generation after generation, we moms are surviving through it all to see the amazing toothless grins, the wide, sparkling eyes of a newborn baby watching us. We love to hear every coo and gurgle, sigh and burble. The touch of that tiny hand, the first grin, smile and giggle sends you straight to the moon.  Just their smell, their touch, the smallest recognition fixes everything and your heart swells enormously in your chest. You can`t explain the connection, closeness, relationship or bond. It is infinite, endless, massive and complete. Having that child moves your heart in a way you never thought possible and words cannot explain it.

Since this is a time of great discovery between you and your child I encourage you to record and preserve your experiences, feelings and thoughts. I have a leather journal where I record my feelings about my baby growing, what she is doing, how she is advancing and the things she enjoys, likes and recognizes. Unlike traditional baby books that record dates and times, I wanted a more intimate account of my observations, details about our interactions, and words of wisdom or personal stories that enhance and explore the growing bond between us.

If you are like me, having a book to look back on now in my life would be such a treasured gift. I only wish that my mom had taken the time to share with me the thoughts and feeling she was having those first few years of my life. I would love to hear her opinions on new motherhood and ultimately read the firsthand account of her amazing motherly bond and how it transformed her life.

Here are some great journals to get you started and keep forever.

Large Journal in Candy Pink Jewel Calf
Heart Leather Journal
One of a Kind Handcrafted Baby Journal
My Baby’s Day: A Journal for Recording all the Details of Baby’s Day
Personalized Ladies Pink Leather Take-Along Journal
Medium Suede Journal from Kiki James
Foray® Italian Leather Journal, 5″ x 7″, Tan

Standing on my soapbox,

JB

With summer on its way and the kids outside in full force, the dreaded battle of wearing sun protection arises yet again. I don’t know about yours, but my three-and-a-half year old refuses to wear a hat. It’s a constant battle that escalates into a full on tug-of-war every time we venture outside. I have tried every style of head covering, every color and every option, only to have them lost, left and destroyed at every turn.

Sunscreen is no easier task.  In fact, wrestling a monkey covered in cooking oil would be easier than administering the smallest dollop on my son’s skin.  He seems to love the sun, and thankfully he was born with the kind of skin that can tolerate it, but for my own peace of mind, I am left finding alternate and unique ways to keep him protected and safe outdoors.

This was one of the reasons why I was inspired to create a children’s clothing company. At AGOO APPAREL we make stylish, active clothes for kids on the move, using 100% UV protected material. Our garments are all about fashion and function combined. Additionally, they have wick-away fibres that keep sweat away from the skin, eliminating any chills or possible overheating, stain resistance and anti bacterial properties.

One of our best sellers includes the long sleeve raglan, perfect for long days in the sun, and ideal for looking cool and feeling hip. The versatile playful pant can go anywhere from gymnastics, to the park, to the movies.

All of our styles perform great if you are going to the beach, the playground, or even to Grandma’s house. Check us out Agoo4u.com and you won’t be disappointed!

For cool head gear, nothing is cooler than COOLIBAR’s bucket hat.  Completely crushable construction makes it great for travel or storage.  The lightweight, ultra-soft lite SUNTECT™ fabric comes in sensible solids and playful plaids. Great for older kids who want to look trendy while fighting off the rays.

For the younger ones, love the colors in Sun Smarties Girls Reversible Sun Hat, amazingly priced at just $7.95. It truly is the ONLY reversible, adjustable girl’s sun hat! Mix it, flip it, match it… then expand the fit as she grows with an adjustable hatband with unique, pull-through straps. UPF 50+, of course. I have one for my eight month old and never leave home without it.

Our kids spend a lot of time in their strollers, so visit SunfriendlyProducts.com for a vast selection of UV-protected sun covers, perfect for strollers, joggers and prams.

They pretty much have it all in one place so you are sure to find exactly what you need, even custom made for hard-to-fit buggies.

To keep track of just how long your little ones have been in the sun, use Sun Signals UV Sensors. They measure UVB rays, changing from yellow to deep orange when sun exposure approaches dangerous levels. Just stick on clothing or skin after applying sunscreen, and watch for the color to change. How easy is that!?

Or, if your child is like mine and loves to pick off stickers, use Magic Beads. These fantastic beads are pale indoors, turn pastel-colored in weak sunlight and become brilliant glowing surf beads in bright sunlight.

They react to the UV light and are great indicators of the amount of UV light hitting your skin - so make sure you’re covered up when they’re glowing!

Dangers of UV Ray for Children

“As ozone depletion becomes more prevalent and as people around the world engage more in sun-seeking behaviour, the risk of developing health complications from over-exposure to UV radiation is becoming a substantial public health concern,” said World Health Organization Director General Dr Lee Jong-Wook.

It is estimated that children are exposed to the sun three times more than adults–and often without sun protection. According to the American Skin Cancer Foundation, 80% of a person’s lifetime exposure to ultraviolet (UV) radiation occurs before the age of 18.

This is compounded by the fact that a young child has more skin relative to his or her body mass, so the sunburn will cover more area and will be more serious. Properly protecting your skin during the first 18 years of life can reduce the risk of some types of skin cancer by 78%.

How to Protect their Skin

Since the skin is the largest organ in our body, it deserves a lot of care and attention when it comes to the sun. Slathering a load of chemicals and unknown additives on a child’s precious skin may feel as scary to you as it does to me. Natural sunscreens are not easy to find and many contain high levels of zinc. It is important to read the labels and find which out ones have ingredients that feel comfortable to you and work with your child’s skin type.

One option is to use Organic Children, which lists organic aloe vera, elderflower and edelweiss in its ingredients.

Burt’s Bees’ 100% natural, non-whitening formula provides broad-spectrum UVA/UVB protection and helps keep skin hydrated without using chemical sunscreen additives. How can you ask for better?

Natural California Baby Sun Block Stick is just too cute. Pop this convenient PABA-free, non-chemical, fragrance-free sunblock stick into your pocket, purse or diaper bag. The whole family will love this easy-to-use stick that gives those “hot spots” a boost of extra protection.

Just as important as taking care of your skin while you’re out in the sun is taking care of your skin after you’ve been in the sun. We’ve found an extremely and supremely great product for after-sun care: Boo Boo Goo by Dimpleskins Naturals is great for soothing sunburns and healing damaged skin. With all natural ingredients such as organic calendula oil, cocoa butter, vitamin E oil, pure lavender, geranium and tea tree essential oils, it is perfect for kids with sensitive skin or those that may suffer from minor skin conditions such as eczema. Of course it also works on all kinds of boo boos, from scrape to scabs, burns to bites. This one is a must have!

How to Protect their Eyes

Too much UV exposure now can lead to permanent eye damage later in a child’s life. Don’t settle for “play” sunshades.

For under $10, you can safeguard your child’s eyes with great-looking, high-performance sunglasses that block 100% of UV rays.

These doctor-recommended sunglasses block 100% of UV rays! Designed just for babies and kids with polycarbonate lenses, a stretchy neoprene strap, and a pinch-proof, hinge-free design. Featuring unique safety lenses that can’t be pushed in. Frames are so strong, they can hold prescription lenses.

How to Protect their Feet

Another easy-to-miss spot: the tops of those tiny feet.

Waterproof swim shoes protect the tops of the feet from the sun, while shielding soles from hot sand and rough concrete.

I like these Toddler Pool shoes with Velcro tabs for easy on and offs. No more struggling to get them on wet and wiggling feet. So easy that kids can put them on themselves! A great price at $7.99… gotta have them.

Outdoor Sun Care Tips for Children

Take particular care to protect them from the sun. It’s easy to enjoy watching your kids frolic in the great outdoors and forget just how long they’ve been exposed to the sun. Set a timer or check your watch every time the kids go out. Make snacks, homemade popsicles or have a juice break to bring kids into the shade and give their skin a rest. Plan outdoor activities before and after the hottest times of the day, and makes sure you have extra supplies always in the car for those times things get left behind.

Most importantly, start early in teaching your kids that we take care of our bodies by protecting ourselves from the sun. Make learning about it and being responsible something fun!

Here are some additional outdoor sun tips care of SunSmart:

* Keep a lightweight blanket or wrap handy for covering babies - babies have very sensitive skin and should never be exposed to direct sunlight.
* Plan outdoor activities outside peak UV Index times - UV radiation is most intense between 11am and 3pm in summer.
* Carry a protective pram cover for babies.
* Choose a hat that protects the baby’s face, neck and ears such as a soft legionnaire-style hat, with a flap at the back that will crumple easily when they put their head down.
* Encourage children to play in the shade.
* Encourage children to wear sunglasses; look for glasses that meet the Australian Standard.
* Ensure that SunSmart practices become a lifestyle habit for your child. Remember that childhood protection decreases the chances of developing skin cancer later in life.
* Don’t forget to be a SunSmart role model for the children around you!

SunSmart is funded by the Victorian Health Promotion Foundation (VicHealth) and The Cancer Council Victoria, and in 2004 was appointed the World Health Organization’s Collaborating Centre for the Promotion of Sun Protection. It is an organization dedicated to a global influence in shaping lifestyles and environments that minimise the risk of skin cancer.

Outdoor Sun Care Tips for Children
Take particular care to protect them from the sun. It’s easy to enjoy watching your kids frolic in the great outdoors and forget just how long they’ve been exposed to the sun. Set a timer or check your watch every time the kids go out. Make snacks, homemade popsicles or have a juice break to bring kids into the shade and give their skin a rest. Plan outdoor activities before and after the hottest times of the day, and makes sure you have extra supplies always in the car for those times things get left behind.

Most importantly, start early in teaching your kids that we take care of our bodies by protecting ourselves from the sun. Make learning about it and being responsible something fun!

Here are some additional outdoor sun tips care of SunSmart:

* Keep a lightweight blanket or wrap handy for covering babies - babies have very sensitive skin and should never be exposed to direct sunlight.
* Plan outdoor activities outside peak UV Index times - UV radiation is most intense between 11am and 3pm in summer.
* Carry a protective pram cover for babies.
* Choose a hat that protects the baby’s face, neck and ears such as a soft legionnaire-style hat, with a flap at the back that will crumple easily when they put their head down.
* Encourage children to play in the shade.
* Encourage children to wear sunglasses; look for glasses that meet the Australian Standard.
* Ensure that SunSmart practices become a lifestyle habit for your child. Remember that childhood protection decreases the chances of developing skin cancer later in life.
* Don’t forget to be a SunSmart role model for the children around you!

SunSmart is funded by the Victorian Health Promotion Foundation (VicHealth) and The Cancer Council Victoria, and in 2004 was appointed the World Health Organization’s Collaborating Centre for the Promotion of Sun Protection. It is an organization dedicated to a global influence in shaping lifestyles and environments that minimise the risk of skin cancer.

Until next time,

JB

This week I celebrated my daughter’s nine month birthday. It seems hard to believe that nine months have passed since she arrived. So many exciting things have happened in her development and each day I am in awe as her little personality emerges.

In those nine months we have been inundated with pink clothes, midnight feedings, the sighing sound she makes when she sleeps and of course the squeals she makes when she’s awake. She’s brought so much to our world and I am grateful that she chose us as her parents.

Of course, I could go on and on about all the amazing things that have transpired since her arrival, but what I really want to talk about is that in those nine months, the number of times that I’ve had sex I can count on both my hands.

Having a baby is a huge transformation and it seems that once the labour part is over and all of the healing has taken place (in my case I had a caesarean section), we expect ourselves and are expected, by our partners, to kick into gear and resume our sexual routine.  NOT!

I would like to know why no scientific grants or government money is allotted to study the effects and conditions of post-pregnancy sexual stimuli. I myself have had to, on numerous occasions, explain to my husband that “not feeling like it” has nothing to do with him. Additionally I have had to explain (and this is where I think the scientist should step in) that Mom’s body and brain are on other things.

Of course, before baby came, having one’s breast massaged and paid attention to felt good, tantalizing and erotic. But now after continuous nursing, suckling and, if your child is older like mine, tugging, biting and trying to hang on while turning to see Sesame Street, has pretty much ensured that all of those feelings are shut off and gone. I actually believe my brain has HAD TO remove all sense of sexual stimulation to that area because now having my child nursing seven to ten times a day–in the car, at the playground, in the restaurant bathroom–has basically zapped the “ I’m  still an sexual  entity” right out of me . Now my breasts are no longer for playing with, they’re here to perform a job.

Of course my husband still wants them to perform the job he likes most, but I keep thinking, “How can one possibly be expected to feed baby in one minute and then a few minutes later be aroused and excited?” I assure him that he’ll have no better luck south of the border.  All I want to do is sleep!  I’m not sure about you, but the time, energy and work that goes into that voyage is often way more than I have at the end of a day filled with gymnastics, blowing up the mini swimming pool, feeding Carco, my son’s imaginary dog, and having the city gas company ringing my doorbell to tell me they have to dig up my newly landscaped yard to find a leak in a pipe. Where’s the arousal in that?

Even when a day is moderately filled with my son insisting on wearing his shirt backwards or the  hysterics of a lost toy, I still find it hard to muster the strength (or should I say juices) to perform in the night. This is where my doctor (female, of course) has actually come to the rescue explaining that: during breast feeding a woman’s body often loses its “quick response” to become aroused. Lack of lubrication is common in breastfeeding women, because estrogen levels are low. Normally when you are sexually excited, two special glands at the entrance of the vagina, called Bartholin’s glands, produce extra secretions. The moisture from these glands is more slippery than the moisture from the cervix, because its purpose is to provide good lubrication during intercourse. While breast-feeding, vaginal dryness and painful intercourse can occur as Estrogen levels are low, causing the vagina to become thin, inelastic, and dry.

Thank goodness someone was able to explain it, because on all of those days I spent making banana bread with my Mom, we never got to that conversation! On the upside, I have been told: your clinician can give you some estrogen cream to use vaginally every night for a week or two and then once or twice a week. This will improve your symptoms without affecting your milk supply. Breast-feeding women vary in how quickly the dryness resolves. For some it is with the return of menstrual periods; for others dryness lasts a longer period of time.

Aware of this information, I have been getting the pressure to end the breast feeding stint as my little girl has reached her ninth months. My husband’s request has been duly noted but I am still not 100% ready to give it up and have even become endeared towards the tugging and yanking, knowing that the countdown to the end is inenviably near.

It isn’t a perfect situation—who do I make more important to?  My daughter, who needs it?  My husband, whose patience is outstanding?  Or myself, who adores being a mother yet has the distant feelings of a woman in lust?  I know we are sexual beings where intimacy and intercourse has definite importance in our relationships, but I still find it hard to convince my body and my brain to make the necessary effort.  An effort where there should be no effort, just enjoyment and pleasure, where kids aren’t looming on your mind and where the slightest gurgle from the other room doesn’t break your concentration. Again, where are the scientific facts to back me up and assure me that one day soon I’ll feel normal again and S E X will be grander than ever?

Standing on my soapbox,

JB

Written by: The Public Health Office - Seattle & King County

Changes in Sex Drive

Many couples notice changes in their pattern of love-making because the baby needs attention day and night at unpredictable times, and you are tired and your moods are different.  Take advantage of moments when you feel rested and sexual and baby is asleep. It may be a different time than you usually make love; enjoy the change. Tiredness does go away as your baby gets older and you get more rest. Do what feels right to you and your partner.

Ways to Feel Close in Addition to Sexual Intercourse
It is important to keep your feelings of love and closeness to your partner while you are adjusting to having a baby. Here are some ways to show love and affection for your partner:
• Cuddle
• Hold hands
• Talk
• Kiss
• Touch and massage

Written by: Department of Health of Western Australia

Advice on a woman’s sexuality after childbirth can differ. Many beliefs are based on myths, not fact. Stories in the media often give the impression that it is easy to combine a full-time job, housework, a relationship, hobbies and other interests with your new baby. The reality is quite different.  New mothers need time for their bodies to recover and to adjust to their new self-image. It is also a time of change in your relationship and individual couples vary enormously in how they feel. After the birth it is important for couples to talk about their feelings and their sexuality and if possible to spend time alone
together. The best time to resume sex is when both are ready, considering possible hesitations after the recent birth experience.

Each woman’s needs are individual. Some women prefer to be intimate by being held and cuddled rather than have intercourse during pregnancy and soon after the birth. By contrast, others may experience increased sexual interest during pregnancy.

CHANGES TO YOUR BODY

Giving birth will also have some obvious effects on your body that can impact on your physical relationship and when you can resume sex.  The following are the most common physical changes, and where appropriate are suggested ideas to assist adjustment to the changes.
• Discharge from the uterus may continue for up to four weeks.
• Episiotomies or tears in the perineum or vagina may take between two or three weeks to heal.  Caesarean section scars usually take a similar time to mend.

To reduce stress on any scar tissue during sexual intercourse, you can help guide the penis into the vagina.  This is often easier if the woman is on top of her partner and will also avoid pressure on full breasts or sore nipples. Side-to-side or rear entry positions may also be more comfortable.

If you have stitches from the delivery, check the scar before resuming sexual activity. Use a mirror to inspect the area and see if it has healed. Check for tenderness by putting some finger pressure on the scar. If this is painful, then sex will also be painful. If normal healing and sensation are not proceeding well, check with your doctor. Treatment from a women’s health physiotherapist can also be effective in softening scar tissue.

A dry vagina and some tenderness and pain upon penetration can be caused by a lack of oestrogen soon after the birth especially if the mother is breastfeeding. It is important to use a water-based lubricant to reduce friction. Vaginal slackness results from stretching the pelvic muscles during pregnancy and delivery. Pelvic exercises should be practised many times a day for at least three months to help restore the vagina’s normal muscle tone. Contact your child health nurse or women’s health physiotherapist at your local hospital for more information about pelvic floor exercises. Breasts will not be as firm, whether a new mother decides to breastfeed her baby or not. The ‘let-down’ reflex of breastfeeding can be triggered by sexual excitement. Breastfeeding can stimulate this normal physical response in some women. Your partners reaction to heavier breasts resulting from breastfeeding can be different. For some they are a ‘turn-on’, for others they discover the ‘milkiness’ is a ‘turn-off ’. Every couple is different.

The waistline may not spring back instantly to its original shape. The recommended daily postnatal exercises, as described in the Physiotherapy Before and After Childbirth booklet, can help this.

Brown skin colour around the nipples and the brownish vertical tummy stripe that develops on some women during pregnancy may take four months or longer to fade. Stretch marks also fade gradually to become silvery lines.

USING CONTRACEPTION

Returning to having sex requires decisions about contraception. Contrary to common beliefs, breastfeeding alone is not an effective form of contraception. Between ten and twenty percent of breastfeeding women can become pregnant within sixteen weeks of giving birth.

Protection from an unplanned pregnancy needs to be discussed with your doctor before the delivery or soon afterwards. Frequently, a different form of birth control may be suggested after the birth than what you may have used previously.

RELATIONS WITH YOUR PARTNER

Your partner will also be experiencing a time of adjustment. His libido may have decreased after the baby’s birth due to the increased financial and personal responsibility to the family and continuing work commitments. In other cases the male’s sexual desire may seem to increase. This can be caused by jealousy of the mother’s intimacy and physical closeness with the baby, a fear of being left out of the new relationship, or even feeling neglected.

During the busy weeks and months after the arrival of a new baby, it is common to feel overwhelmed by the constant demands upon your time and energy. It is important to communicate your needs to your partner, particularly if more assistance may be needed from them.

Fatigue caused by interrupted sleep and very busy days may reduce either parent’s sexual interests. As well as this, babies can wake up and demand attention at the most inconvenient times. It may also be difficult for your husband to understand that you may have had so much touching and intimate contact with the baby that you don’t welcome his touch. This type of interpersonal stress can be eased with good communication. When couples have little time to relax and enjoy each other’s company, just spending a quiet time along together, talking, cuddling and kissing is important. Intimacy does not have to result in sex.

To assist you with reducing your workload and finding time for you and your partner, make the most of any offers of assistance with the housework, cooking or shopping. A couple of hours help, a cooked meal, some errands handled by another person can all bring remarkable relief. Accepting offers from people to babysit will also enable you time to recharge your batteries.

Other helpful hints:
• plan ahead for sexual activity
• feed baby first
• have a warm shower or a long bath
• take your time
• change position if you experience pain
• anticipate pleasure rather than pain
• do more activities you both find pleasurable

http://www.population.health.wa.gov.au/Child/resources/Sexuality%20after%20your%20baby.pdf

That’s right. Agoo Clothing was recently featured on Global TV (in the Vancouver, B.C., Canada region) by Andrea Vance of WestCoast Families Magazine! She went on to call Agoo clothing “Lululemon for kids”.  In case you missed the feature, you can watch the video here:

I’m so excited by this news that I’m offering you, loyal blog readers, a 20% discount toward your entire purchase placed at Agoo4u.Com when you use the coupon code “play time” at checkout. Come back soon as I’ll have a new post up shortly!

My recent blog “I Swore I Would Never” seems to have struck a chord with a few readers. Many of you have responded and told me how much you have enjoyed this blog. Here’s what one reader had to say:

“I absolutely adore this post.  I am sitting here in our study with the hormonal tears of a pregnant woman, my toddler sleeping in the next room. In between the two rooms is the stack of Mega Blocks I nearly broke my neck on trying to get to the computer.  I totally understand every word of this blog.  I wish all women would read this.  Especially the women like the author’s earlier self.  It is hard when you are out and about with your kids having a good time and then become acutely aware of disapproving glances or downright rude stares from some young woman with no stretch marks.  The worst is the obvious looking up and down of your outfit.  So what if there is ketchup on my shirt?  It got there because I just got the best hug ever from a two year old who just happens to like chicken nuggets dipped fifteen times each in a massive pile of ketchup.  Dang hormones, typing that last sentence made me start crying again.”

posted by Great Sommelier

Thanks Great Sommelier, it made my day to know that I am not the only one and others can relate to this amazing and wonderful thing called motherhood!

Now going into my fourth year (of motherhood), I have to say that the crazy, mind-boggling and often completely overwhelming no longer seems so incomprehensible, but instead just commonplace. Over this holiday weekend we attended a BBQ, had a day at the pool and an evening with friends at our house. Each and every event was filled with kids, noise, chaos, confusion and half-finished sentences in between broken conversations. Each set of parents juggled food, spills, trips to the toilet, bumps, cries and negotiations over who did what to whom. The babies got trampled over by the bigger kids; the toys got fought over by the ones still not able to understand how to share. Only one small, uncherished item got broken, and the two bowls of food on the floor were quickly cleaned up by the collective parents.

It all was very unstructured as parties or events go, and between diaper changes and nap times, crying spells and tug of wars, we as the parents just helped, provided and attended to whichever kid needed it at the time. While I assisted my friend’s daughter with taking off her shoes, someone else held my baby. When my son wanted more ketchup while I was breastfeeding, a friend’s dad fetched it for him. Each parent took a turn with whichever youngster needed help, whether it was on the slide, in the water, getting juice or brushing off a scraped knee. It didn’t seem to matter whose child it was, just whoever was closest.

There was, however, a moment when all the toddlers were at the kid’s table and the babies on the laps of their mom’s and the food was dished out.  For what seemed like a few minutes we actually all got to enjoy our food before the milk spilled, the napkins became swooshy swords, the baby started crying and the phone began to ring.

Off in the comer, once again nursing the baby, I looked at all the commotion and mayhem, saw the frazzled fathers trying to feed their kids, the burnt-out mothers eating faster than humanly possible, the kids testing the limits… even the dog was getting in on the anarchy of the situation.

Amidst it all I thought to myself…

It’s crazy, hard to believe and almost comical that a few years ago all these people only cared about their cars, or computers. A former evening like this would have been filled with alcohol, adult jokes, a lot of smoking, drinking and–dare I say it?–sex at the end.

My girlfriend who visited the hairdresser monthly was now picking rice out of her hair, and the stud of the group was fixing the bows on the back of his twin girl’s dresses. Everyone’s strappy sandals were replaced with comfy flats, our designer purses were engulfed by diaper bags. It was as if we had all morphed without even knowing it into that new species called parents.

I can’t say that I don’t completely miss my sexy, summer dress, the awesome tan I’d have by now, or the freedom to drink a few wine coolers and completely relax with friends. It would be nice to put my feet up on a pillowy lounge chair, feel the sun on my face and close my eyes as the Latin or jazz music played in the background. I’d even like the idea of romance with my husband, the enjoyable flirtation that results in the perfect evening ending with you giddy, in love and wanting each other…

Snap out of it, JB! The baby is crying… 11:20pm, time for a feed. Back to reality.

Until next time, standing on my soapbox,

JB

Before I had kids, I often sat with my arms-crossed and face-scowled when kids, in any environment, gleefully ran around me, shouting at the top of their lungs. I had this permanent look of non-amusement at any event that was all about kids. I would refuse to sit beside little ones on a plane; I even remember asking a booking agent one time if they actually had a child-free flight. If a hostess at a restaurant seated me next to a family of kids, I asked to be moved. Whenever my friends talked about their kids, I got bored–and heaven forbid anyone put their gurbbling, slurbbing infant on the phone and expected me to engage in a conversation.  I sort of didn’t really like kids, I thought.

I swore I would never let my living room look like a toy store after an earthquake. No diapers would get changed on my couch, no snot rags would lay around, no clutter of bottles, wipes, food jars, creams and baby potions would invade my elegant space. I was sure that there was no reason why a house needed to look like the toy box had thrown up. I knew that if I had kids, I would never let my home get that way.

I used to cringe at the smell of kids, the dirt and the icky, gooky hands that all too often reached for my designer jewellery and expensive outfits. I liked my heels, my pashminas, my acrylic nails.
None of that went with kids.

All of the mothers I had observed were make-upless, frumpy, had soothers between their teeth and sweat on their brows. I thought that there was no reason that motherhood had to look like that. Just because you have kids, it doesn’t mean you can’t look nice, fix your hair and retire that shirt you’ve been wearing since pregnancy.

No, I would never let myself go like that, I said. I would never become so frazzled and exhausted just because a baby arrived.

When it came to friends or having a social calendar, I definitely would not be perpetually late, constantly cancelling, too tired to answer the phone and so distracted I forgot birthdays and special occasions. I assured myself that kids would not make me forget or lie, pretend or invent a barrage of excuses. Nor would they make cry at commercials, talk about the colour of one’s poop, strap on a sling or take ten thousand pictures of a newly sprouting tooth.

I was determined to stay solid, assured, on time and up-front.  And I had convinced myself that the people I knew that had kids were either doing it wrong or just not trying hard enough. I mean, how hard could it be?

Fast forward 4 years and that self-assured woman with too many pairs of boots and a spa membership, that looked like a frequent flyer rewards program, sits here frazzled, exhausted and with a few shoelaces hanging from her mouth.  All those things that I NEVER thought would happen to me… well I think they call it reality, or actuality, or wearing egg on your face.

The dishes from the pasta supper and out-of-the-jar sauce sit idly about in my kitchen. My son’s Hot Wheels cars lay precariously around the floor where painfully stepping on them has become an acceptable routine. Throw pillows from the couch have become just that, thrown everywhere, and my daughter’s “Jumparoo, Leap frog activity table, and Winnie the Pooh rocker ” invade the only open space in the living room that isn’t cluttered with race cars or sticker books. Mail sits unopened, laundry spills over the basket.  I’ve even had to hunt down a few rotting smells here and there of diapers or food left behind in a hurry.

The shirt I have on has a spit up stain on the shoulder and this is the third day in a row that I am wearing my yoga pants. The mirror shows that, yet again, I forgot to put on make-up, and I can’t really tell if I combed my hair today or not.

When I checked my messages, I had 11 phone calls and 27 e-mails. Two of my messages were five days old and one e-mail was inquiring why I had missed the annual BBQ at a friend’s house. I took some time to come up with a good excuse (“I forgot ” just wouldn’t cut it this time). Of course that was all after I called my Mom so she could talk to her gurgling, slurbbing baby grand daughter, and I could inquire if giving her beets was the reason her poop was purple.

What I had criticized, I had become. What I had judged, I was now guilty of.  I was positive I was doing my best; it just wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be.

So I picked up the phone and called my sister and a few friends that had kids back before I had mine. I expressed my embarrassment and asked them to excuse me for my ignorance. I had no idea how hard it was and how easily your life unravels, no longer your own.  I had joined the club that no one truly understands until they are in it, and I asked for their forgiveness now that I had seen the light.

Three and a half years into motherhood I am open about my forgetfulness, my tiredness and even my messy living room. I have accepted the toys, the noise and the sticky gooey stuff I find in the strangest places. My heart swells when I hear my children’s laughter, smell their baby skin, see their goofy faces and even join them in a silly squeal. It is kind of fun being free of my judgements and embracing life through the effervescence of my kids.

When I think back to the times when I was distant towards children, I see what I was missing: their openness and uninhibitedness, their fun and ability to focus on not the little things, but the big things of love, laughter and life. Having children has enhanced my creative side, embellished my world and awaken my soul. I’ll take that any day over a silly pashmina or a pair of Pradas.

Although I look back fondly at the woman I once was, I like the less stuffy and more accepting one I am now. Who cares if I go outside with a little finger paint on my jacket or a Tarzan sticker on my forehead? My house will probably never be perfectly coiffed again, and I am sure I will forever crave that extra few minutes of sleep. My feet prefer flats over heels and my body eternally thanks the inventor of Lycra and Spandex. It is not glamorous or grand, just different and, in its own way, fantastic and great. That’s the sugar and spice of motherhood, and I love it.
I am sure you have your own sugar and spice opinions/stories, and I’d love to hear your feedback!

Standing on my soapbox,

JB

Studying costumes and costume design was one of my favorite things in school. For whatever reason, I loved the ornate and overly detailed fabrics of the years gone by. I was particularly enthralled with the 17th century, the French court and all that was Renaissance.

I adored the intricate floral prints, the ribbons, lace and overly grand ensembles that every lady wore. The stomacher, Watteau pleating, chemise and pannier hoops were just a few of the accomplices of that highly ostentatious era. Red heels, lace cuffs and a six inch ruff on the men made them no less the object of great finery. All was big, bold and overly impressive.

What I did find odd though was how the children were dressed as miniature copies of their parent’s attire right down to the brass buttons, lace pinafores and diamond buckles. It seemed a bit odd to me at the time how anyone would think a child, barely walking, would enjoy the layers upon layers of court dress, not to mention the opulence, constriction and weight that accompanied such elaborate outfits.

It seems common sense to me that any child would prefer the loose, light and carefree construction of a simple garment, and their parents would want something easy to clean, repair or discard if destroyed in climbing a fence or rolling down a grassy knoll. Yet, in all of the historical depictions, no matter how poor or how impoverished, children still wore their bonnets, layered skirts and dutiful aprons.

These days we can look back and see the silliness of such customs. Children are meant to dress as children: cute, comfortable and pure. The innocence that comes with being a child should be reflected and encouraged in the way that they dress. Of course, we know better these days, and we practice it. We no longer live in a society that expects children to dress in such absurdity, clothes light years beyond their age and so inappropriate. No, we have defiantly evolved…or have we?

This week I stepped into a well-know retail store to buy something for my eight month old daughter. I was looking for a cute white sweater that would go with all her adorable summer dresses. As I made my way to the baby section I was immediately greeted by the mannequins and front rack displays that don the season’s newest arrivals. There, right in front was a baby bikini, metallic gold with a pair of cut-off denim shorts worn over the bottoms. Again I was in the baby section…

I had to stop and look twice at this miniature replica of a very sexy, beach-babe bathing suit. Perfect little triangles to cover the breast area with stringy straps to hold it in place, metallic, shiny fabric to give it just the right amount of…? What, sex appeal?

With the tag saying 12-18 months I had to use my hand to close my chin as it gaped open with shock. This is actually for an infant, I tried to rationalize in my brain. Some designer actually thought that this was a good choice to put in a store and present it to the public as an …(I am lost for words!) “option” to wear at Water Babies? What were they thinking? This doesn’t belong on a baby any more than lipstick and a padded bra does. But there it was, ready to be taken home and wedged over a pair of disposable water diapers for a day at the beach.

It seemed utterly outrageous to me that anyone would put their kids in clothes such as this. Dressing them up far beyond their years and making them look like adults. This was not just older, sophisticated clothing, but older, giving-off-a-certain-kind-of-message clothing. A message that we do see all around us in movies, television, music and even cartoons, but a message in my opinion that could possible be dangerous.

As stood at the cash register still reeling in my disgust I watched a girl, five maybe six, wait impatiently for her mother to pay. She was very cute, stunning almost under the layers of baby fat and childhood pudginess, but her outfit spoke a different tune, a white low cut top, eyelet peasant skirt with high heeled espadrilles laced up her calves. She sat on the floor, creeping and crawling as kids do when they are bored. I saw her red underwear as she sat Indian style, rolled around and flashed all of us endlessly in an attempt to be a lady, but was truly still a child.

Of course, when you have kids, you know all kids insist on doing everything their way. I am sure for her mother, letting her wear that was easier than the arguing and hysterics that would come with refusing it, and yet there was a part of me that wished the mother had won this one. As a woman and as a mother, I have seen those parts—I have those parts—and look at them as just body parts, but what about people with ulterior motives? Shouldn’t we be asking: aside from what is fashionable, what is sensible?

It’s nice to dress your kids in the latest fashions. We know more about what Britney Spears and Paris Hilton are wearing than the state of the nation or the people running it. Fashion is a serious way of life. We all race to the stores to get the newest collections and we try harder and harder to look like the pictures in the marketing campaigns. Not that that’s bad–I am the first person to put fashion before a lot of other things, but should we put kids in fashion that they’re not ready for? That’s too mature for them? That’s the question.

As we today might think that it was foolish to over-dress the children of the French Renaissance, what will those in the future think of the somewhat underdressed children of today? Bikinis on babies, high heels on toddlers, belly baring tops, lingerie for kids. It is what we like as adults, it is what we see in the media, it is what we are becoming accustomed to, but what I want to know is: should we be okay with it?

It is up to you to decide what is best for your children at the their particular age. You are their judge, reference and enforcer. Forget trying to be their best friend and let go of what you think may make them mad. I would rather they be mad at me than hurt, assaulted or flattered to believing that dressing inappropriately is okay. There is always time for them to grow up and step into the role of fashionista, time for them to be comfortable with their bodies and understand the messages clothes can send. For now, don’t just buy something because you see it in the store, or because everyone else is wearing it, buy it because it gives the message that this kid is happy being a kid.

I’d love to hear your feedback,

Standing on my soapbox,

JB

The recent warm weather and burst of spring showers had prompted my son into a desire for puddle jumping. Of course, the rubber boots he donned last year were far from fitting onto his now three-year-old toes, so off to the store we went to get a new pair.

Not thinking and trying to multi-task, Dad came along and so did little sister. With the plan to get groceries, a baby shower gift and a new pair of boots, we had to visit three different stores. Food was first, as it keeps the toddler snacking and amused, and Dad likes the illusion of getting things done as he fills the cart and checks items off his invisible list.

With our double stroller holding our coats, diaper bag, water bottles, wet wipes, rattle for the little one and new Dora video for the bigger one, Dad and I had to meander as best we could onto our next errand. Of course, he has the cart with all of the food, 25 rolls of toilet paper, Kleenex boxes, bleach, diapers and even more wipes, so we proceeded like a convoy.

I knew exactly what I was getting for a gift, so Dad stood outside with the crew as I zoomed in to quickly check off another thing on my list. Of course, the store was busy and the sales girls did not really notice as I stood patiently (yet impatiently) waiting to pay. Finally, I asked for help as I heard my baby start to fuss. Dad is never good with the fussing, he usually lets it go for too long and it passes the point where you can amuse her again.

I paid as fast as I could, glancing back at my husband and son eating Japanese oranges, my husband oblivious to the fusses as my son flicks stringy bits of orange at his sister.

With two errands down and one to go, I amused the baby with a granola wrapper crinkling in her hands, then made the dreaded mistake of removing my son from the stroller as we took over the small space in the shoe store.

On the shelf I saw a perfect pair of navy blue rubber boots. Dad had his cell in his ear as I looked for my son’s size and told him to remove his old shoes. The two seconds when I had my back turned resulted in my son running to a different shelf and, with the thrill only a three your old can exude, he shouted, uninhibited, “Mom, I want these ones!”

Happily, I turned to see him holding a lovely pair of Dora the Explorer rubber boots, all in pink with lavender soles. A moment passed before I could respond, while he kicked off his shoes and wiggled into the boots.

Now I know that his attraction is to Dora, the famous cartoon character every kids loves, and these boots represent adventure, friendship and exploring. But the boots just happened to be flamingo pink. I immediately and without thinking pointed to the Diego boots (denim blue and orange)–they are more masculine, of course.

“No, these one Mommy,” he insisted, as he stood to admire them in the mirror.

It was one of those moments where one has to think before they speak. How do I say no to something he so obviously loves, and what is my reasoning for not allowing his choice? How can I say it is the wrong colour, or it does not look right, when the smile on his face is what every parents wants? My pause went unnoticed as my son put his old shoes in the stroller and walked to the register to pay. As he stood waiting for me to hand him some money, I stared, unsure and confused if I should do something to try and change his mind.

Then I thought to myself: What the heck, why not? He’s three. Who’ll care? His friends are too small to make fun of him and if he is confident enough to wear them, then I should be confident enough to let him.
All of my childhood issues over my own parent’s judgments and rules crept to the surface. Then and there, I decided that I would not teach my son gender labelling and would not diminish his confidence.
I reached for my wallet, now willing to pay.

There was a momentous song playing in my head, and it came to a screeching halt as my husband, now off the phone, asked me, “What the hell are you doing?”

Before I could begin my liberation and free rights speech, my husband had my son on his lap, pulling off the boots and tossing them aside. In a flash, the calmness of what was once a happy toddler erupted into the screams and kicks of a child not capable of understanding the reasoning and rationale behind daddy’s disapproval. Needless to say, mall security might have been called in to make sure that the screaming, hysterical kid actually belonged to us, and that the ear-shattering crying wasn’t from pain, but out of determination to get his own way.

The car ride home was not pleasant as my husband and I debated the issue. Why not pink for boys? Girls wear blue.

“Colour is not a billboard, and wearing pink boots doesn’t say, ‘I am girly’,” I said.

“You should have chosen blue ones—that’s what he’s supposed to wear,” my husband countered.

Maybe it is extreme to allow a boy to wear pink boots when society, commercialism and the entire baby clothing market has invested millions into conditioning us to associate that girls wear pink and boys wear blue. It’s the norm, the cog that keeps moving season after season in the retail market. Yet as parents are we even responsible for saying that this ‘norm’ should be different or challenged, changed around or eliminated?

In the 20 years that I have been aware of social issues I have seen numerous social customs and traditions obliterated on the heels of change, acceptance, recognition and enlightenment. Girls play hockey, rugby and lacrosse–all sports unavailable to me when I was a child. But although we are changing and evolving, we still start our kids out in pink and blue, perfect in their assigned colours. Then we teach them that there is not a barrier, that boys and girls are equal and can do the same things. They can vote, and play sports, be presidents and defend countries, but (of course!) they should do all of that wearing the right colours.

Possibly, I could have fought a little harder to let him have the pink boots. Definitely, I should have been prepared to fight for those pink boots, known what it was that I stood for and where my opinion laid. Most importantly, I would have liked to have avoided the scene, the confusion and the extremeness in which it happened that seems to have stayed in his mind.

“Why not pink, Mommy?” he asks in his innocent way.

“I don’t know why,” is all I can reply for now. Let’s hope that change is working on this one.
Other Pink clothing stories:
Pink shirts
More Pink

Until next time,

JB